i don't like sucking hair
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
