I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize