i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
