I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
