I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
