Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
