Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
