I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
