Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
