Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
