i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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