the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
