When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
