I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
