I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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