I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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