Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
