Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize