Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
