after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
