I feel great
I just peed on a car
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
