How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I came so hard my ears popped.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
