you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
