Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
