It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
