I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
All the doctor said was why
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
