I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
