smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's official drugs can't kill me
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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