My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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