he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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