just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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