pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
