Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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