im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
