Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
