if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just forgot I was standing up.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
