Swine flu is the new snow day.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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