he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
