I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
