omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
