I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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