i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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