Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
