I want to walk on stilts...naked
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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