i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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