if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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