ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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