just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
