I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
