I'm drive I can fine osifer
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
