I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Randomize
