she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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