sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
