Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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