just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
