i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The ass gains better be worth it
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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