I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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