Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
