This dress was meant to end up on your floor
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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