Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
