So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
