so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
