its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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