Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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