Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Four minutes until I can fart!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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