I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
im six kinds of drunk right now
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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