thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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