Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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