glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
