And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i think i have two assholes
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
