I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My vagina is very pro this idea
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
