i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
